I was daydreaming.

He was standing on the edge, waiting to jump. Except this isn't one of those weird things I get into. He seriously was. And I climbed out of the window, next to him, and thought to myself, "If he was actually going to do it, he would've already." I guess he heard me. Because he looked at me with pain in his eyes. And he did it. He jumped off of the edge, down to the ground, plunging to his death. "Oh, shit," was all I said. I didn't have much time to say anything else. Why? Because he was beside me again, back on the ledge of the window, laughing. And laughing. And laughing. "My life sucks right now, but that wouldn't kill me," he said, completely serious. "I know what you're thinking," the guy continued, around eighteen. "Who am I? WHAT am I?" His face became serious again, the pain flashing in his eyes one more time. And then he closed them. And that is when my mind decided to end the daydream. Sometimes I hate my mind.

No. I'm dead serious this time. I've cracked. If this isn't the explosion coming, it's a big step of hatred. I'm freaking, like, anti-social. WHY HAVE I NOT FADED INTO THEIR BACKGROUNDS. It pisses me off. It really, really pisses me off.

This is a test. Again. Another test of the enter button. If it doesn't work, let's hope another coughing and weezing fit that is keeping me home from school will distract me from tearing the wires out of this computer.

She.

My one friend has a blog that keeps changing. The link has changed, and everything. Megan: http://livethelifeworthremembering.blogspot.com/ Her quote beneath the title has changed, also. It says: "Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much." Normally, I love all of the quotes she shows me, or tells me about. But I really dislike this one. Alone, you can do anything in the world, if determined enough to do so. Anything. And so I swing from the tall trees in my mind, alone, and dance amongst the sunset, ready to dive into another alter reality. As my brother always says, I'll catch you on the flip side.

"But maybe living is supposed to be more than survival."

Pay it forward.

I don't know what to write. I guess I just want to tell you that tomorrow I want to go down to the local grocery store and help others with their groceries. For nothing but a signature. You see, I need to do volunteer work at school. I don't have this daydream just because of this project, but I figure it would be cool to turn in pages of signatures from multiple random strangers to prove that I did something for society. Not just because I had to. But because I wanted to. Now, all I have to do is build myself up and do it. I encourage you all to do something. Not because you feel you have to or you should. But to see others smile.

Lexie.

Ok. So, at lunch we get treated unfairly. Who by? You would think that it would be the "cool" kids in school. Well, if you thought that, you thought wrong. Who is it? The teachers! Teachers...aren't they the ones who are supposed to stop all of the "bullying". I mean, we have these bullying meetings every Wednesday. But have they ever thought that maybe it isn't the students creating the problems? It's the teachers. No, they haven't! So, we continue to have the bullying meetings. For example, at lunch, we were sitting at a table that was right next to our usual table. The one teacher comes over and says, "You can't sit on this side of the cafeteria." And she makes us move to our usual, smaller table. One table over! Then we look over and there is a whole group of "jocks" sitting on that side of the cafeteria. So one of my friends asks why they get to sit on that side of the cafeteria. And they say it is because the girls on the other side are picking on them. BULL CRAP! There were a bunch of empty spaces on the other side, not even close to the girls. Then once, they yelled at someone for walking around the table the "wrong way". There is no wrong way! I get sick of all of the things that they do. They also gave my friend an assign seat for accidentally spilling vinegar on herself. She had to sit, facing the wall, well away from anyone else. Then, the "cool" kids got assigned seat together, with all of their friends, and they could turn around all they want. Anyway, as you can see, they're very unfair. My mom hears these kind of stories every night and says that I should tell the principle. We will see... [Like we don't get bullied? This all made me sick. It also made me laugh. Some bastards these days. I think this just proves a point that life is one, huge popularity contest.]

"'Cause we won't have to be scared."

People suck. Homework sucks. Band concerts suck. Doing book reports for other people suck. Math doesn't have anything to do with our life anymore, and learning how the government works will not help me survive. I don't need to know about cells or atoms or any of the other shit we learn about in science. "That, right there, that's a tree. It helps us live. That, right there, is a cloud. It gives us water. That, that coyote, it has billions of tiny things inside it called cells. Knowing this will not help you do anything in your life. But you need to know it anyway." Reading? Like I'm even learning anything this year. Look at my posts. I know the basics. You understand it. I have correct grammar. I know how to spell grammar. Sure, the basics you may need. But the rest is just a load of freaking crap that makes you sweat and worry.

"I would disappear into a world that didn't exist."

Black. What's so wrong with wearing black? It's not a crime. It's not hurting anyone. But they comment anyway. And I guess it matters. And I guess they don't comment it as a good thing. And it just makes me even more determined to wear black again. Because that's me. And it shouldn't matter what color I wear.

The shadows lurk through the forest. You try and do a back flip. But it doesn't matter how long you practice, you always end up landing on your neck. Besides the usual, unessacary pain that runs through my fingertips, I feel good today. Keep it on the down-low. Here, this is my hate. Am I supposed to love here, too?

Of course I don't know who I am. Of course people have their ideas, their assumptions, their judgements. Of course. But if I don't even know me, how can somebody else?