"If you don't understand my silence then you'll never understand my words."

Ian.

Muffin is the most amazing cat ever, if you know what I mean. I mean seriously, why wouldn't you love her? She is a freaking cat. On the bad side, I'm allergic to cats. =[ . People should make a chocolate that doesn't make you fat. Life is fun (sometimes). It makes you live your real life, if you know what I mean. With life you're not dead. Pretzels are really good, especially when you're writing while eating them. The bad part is when you're friends eat them. (Grrrrr...).

[I told him to write his opinion. He did, I guess. But that's not what I meant. Oh well. Here's your Friday not-me-post. And you wonder why I've only had girls write so far.]

Another Daydream.

The two middle-aged couple were canoeing down a small creek. They were paddling in silence, until a rock came and caused the water to splash all over the woman. She looked at her husband in shock. Then they burst out laughing together, and got into a water fight, splashing each other and smiling the entire time. When they were soaking wet, they jumped into the creek, dragged the canoe over to a random yard, and had a picnic on the side of the water. In the house beside the river, a younger couple eating lunch were observing the two. "That'll be us when we're older," he promised. "Soaking wet, laughing, smiling, and loving each other as much as we do now."

"He crossed the street and, in a matter of moments, blended completely into the night." Sometimes I think that would be amazing. Just to...not be seen. I think about how crappy it is, not being seen, but the quote above isn't like that. Just REALLY blending into the background. Almost as if you're not there at all. We all have a few moments where it seems as if thats exactly what we are. Background images. But it doesn't last forever. Someone will talk to you, others will see you. I guess once in a while, it would be nice to be completely alone. Observing, sitting by yourself in a forest, not even the ants walking over you.

I was daydreaming.

He was standing on the edge, waiting to jump. Except this isn't one of those weird things I get into. He seriously was. And I climbed out of the window, next to him, and thought to myself, "If he was actually going to do it, he would've already." I guess he heard me. Because he looked at me with pain in his eyes. And he did it. He jumped off of the edge, down to the ground, plunging to his death. "Oh, shit," was all I said. I didn't have much time to say anything else. Why? Because he was beside me again, back on the ledge of the window, laughing. And laughing. And laughing. "My life sucks right now, but that wouldn't kill me," he said, completely serious. "I know what you're thinking," the guy continued, around eighteen. "Who am I? WHAT am I?" His face became serious again, the pain flashing in his eyes one more time. And then he closed them. And that is when my mind decided to end the daydream. Sometimes I hate my mind.

No. I'm dead serious this time. I've cracked. If this isn't the explosion coming, it's a big step of hatred. I'm freaking, like, anti-social. WHY HAVE I NOT FADED INTO THEIR BACKGROUNDS. It pisses me off. It really, really pisses me off.

This is a test. Again. Another test of the enter button. If it doesn't work, let's hope another coughing and weezing fit that is keeping me home from school will distract me from tearing the wires out of this computer.

She.

My one friend has a blog that keeps changing. The link has changed, and everything. Megan: http://livethelifeworthremembering.blogspot.com/ Her quote beneath the title has changed, also. It says: "Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much." Normally, I love all of the quotes she shows me, or tells me about. But I really dislike this one. Alone, you can do anything in the world, if determined enough to do so. Anything. And so I swing from the tall trees in my mind, alone, and dance amongst the sunset, ready to dive into another alter reality. As my brother always says, I'll catch you on the flip side.

"But maybe living is supposed to be more than survival."

Pay it forward.

I don't know what to write. I guess I just want to tell you that tomorrow I want to go down to the local grocery store and help others with their groceries. For nothing but a signature. You see, I need to do volunteer work at school. I don't have this daydream just because of this project, but I figure it would be cool to turn in pages of signatures from multiple random strangers to prove that I did something for society. Not just because I had to. But because I wanted to. Now, all I have to do is build myself up and do it. I encourage you all to do something. Not because you feel you have to or you should. But to see others smile.

Lexie.

Ok. So, at lunch we get treated unfairly. Who by? You would think that it would be the "cool" kids in school. Well, if you thought that, you thought wrong. Who is it? The teachers! Teachers...aren't they the ones who are supposed to stop all of the "bullying". I mean, we have these bullying meetings every Wednesday. But have they ever thought that maybe it isn't the students creating the problems? It's the teachers. No, they haven't! So, we continue to have the bullying meetings. For example, at lunch, we were sitting at a table that was right next to our usual table. The one teacher comes over and says, "You can't sit on this side of the cafeteria." And she makes us move to our usual, smaller table. One table over! Then we look over and there is a whole group of "jocks" sitting on that side of the cafeteria. So one of my friends asks why they get to sit on that side of the cafeteria. And they say it is because the girls on the other side are picking on them. BULL CRAP! There were a bunch of empty spaces on the other side, not even close to the girls. Then once, they yelled at someone for walking around the table the "wrong way". There is no wrong way! I get sick of all of the things that they do. They also gave my friend an assign seat for accidentally spilling vinegar on herself. She had to sit, facing the wall, well away from anyone else. Then, the "cool" kids got assigned seat together, with all of their friends, and they could turn around all they want. Anyway, as you can see, they're very unfair. My mom hears these kind of stories every night and says that I should tell the principle. We will see... [Like we don't get bullied? This all made me sick. It also made me laugh. Some bastards these days. I think this just proves a point that life is one, huge popularity contest.]

"'Cause we won't have to be scared."

People suck. Homework sucks. Band concerts suck. Doing book reports for other people suck. Math doesn't have anything to do with our life anymore, and learning how the government works will not help me survive. I don't need to know about cells or atoms or any of the other shit we learn about in science. "That, right there, that's a tree. It helps us live. That, right there, is a cloud. It gives us water. That, that coyote, it has billions of tiny things inside it called cells. Knowing this will not help you do anything in your life. But you need to know it anyway." Reading? Like I'm even learning anything this year. Look at my posts. I know the basics. You understand it. I have correct grammar. I know how to spell grammar. Sure, the basics you may need. But the rest is just a load of freaking crap that makes you sweat and worry.

"I would disappear into a world that didn't exist."

Black. What's so wrong with wearing black? It's not a crime. It's not hurting anyone. But they comment anyway. And I guess it matters. And I guess they don't comment it as a good thing. And it just makes me even more determined to wear black again. Because that's me. And it shouldn't matter what color I wear.

The shadows lurk through the forest. You try and do a back flip. But it doesn't matter how long you practice, you always end up landing on your neck. Besides the usual, unessacary pain that runs through my fingertips, I feel good today. Keep it on the down-low. Here, this is my hate. Am I supposed to love here, too?

Of course I don't know who I am. Of course people have their ideas, their assumptions, their judgements. Of course. But if I don't even know me, how can somebody else?

Megan.

Why must this bother me?

Why must I be the weak one?

Questions I'm afraid I can't answer.

I've read too many books, too many quotes.

I was determined I'd get over him. Maybe it's the ones you truly love that leave you without answers.

Without solutions.

Every tear I've shed, every outburst I've given, they must have a reason.

Maybe, in the near future, there will be reason behind this. Maybe something amazing will happen, it'll clear up these cloudy days, and allow the sun to shine.

Allow the sun to show what's meant to be.

To show me that I must keep looking up, and miracles really do happen. It shall show me that reality can be a love story. That life really is a book, a perfect one, with a great ending. All these tears in the pages will turn out with something so great, so destinable, every little tear will mean nothing. And if not? I'll always have that one friend. That one person who will sit with me, in the dark, when it's impossible to look on the bright side. The one who will sit and cry with me. We all have things to cry about; all have tears to shed, words to speak, voices to hear. We'll do everything we can. Everything to make it better. And when times are tough, we'll think positive over negative, hope over fear, and destiny over change. We were given this life because we are strong enough to face it. I am too positive to be doubtful. Too optimistic to be fearful. And too determined to be defeated.

For now? I will let life go on.

I'll go with the flow. I'll let this world change, and see where it takes me. Until something happens, some twist or turn, some rising action or climax, I remain the shy girl I was.

Seems to be the only option I can rely on.

So, world? Keep turning. Keep moving.

I'm ready.

[[Sadly, this girl does not have a blog. I tried to convince her. She said maybe. I'll keep you posted if she does.]]

It's a battle between you and the wind.

The darkness surrounds you, consumes you, but you see the dim lights ahead.

You fight against the stronger force, knowing that it can beat you, but being too determined to stop.

Your imagination stabs you in the back.

But you move forward.

And you make it home, not because you want to, but because you have to.

So, every Friday I'll try to have a different person's view. If I can get people to write their opinions for me. I plan to just put my notebook in front of someone, look them in the eye, and say, "Write." I have someone for today. Look at the post above.

Molly.

Being understood.

I hate how it never seems to happen at all.

He's laughing one moment, fragile the next.

If this is what I can see from the back corner, why can't anyone else see it from the front of the room.

They think about materialistic items, judging others only on that. They think that talking about shooting Mexicans is funny. They think things like that. They think that this is all one big joke. But it's not. You have to be kind before you can stand up for yourself and tell the world you're a nice person.

That's one of my many opinions that are never voiced. My words are things not heard.

[[So I've decided to do this thing. I'll try to get different people each week, or something, to tell me their thoughts so I can post them hear. This is what I heard from Molly. The other ones will be different. They won't talk about the same things. Maybe I'll have some of the same people. You know? I don't have that many friends, so it'll be hard and different to ask people who are '"above me on the social scale."']]

OpenUpOpenUpOpenUp.

It's weird how warm you are one moment, and then another you're trying to escape the chills.

In class today we talked about cloning.

My opinion. For no one to see, hear, or care about.

It's disgusting.

Why would you clone something? Make the same thing over again? It's breaking how nature is. Everybody is different. EveryTHING is different. We don't need to clone to make things better.

Are humans really that greedy?

We need everything perfect? We need to live longer than we already do?

It's filthy.

Humanity is filthy.

But we're all apart of it.

The stupidity of us all is frightening.

Good thing miles separate people from other people. If we were all a whole, the world would be gone already.

Someone would start a war for not having enough room to put their things.

"Perhaps in the land of the cruel, the wise heart cannot be tolerated."

"A little bit of salt doesn't bother your skin. But that same small amount in an open wound can really, really sting." Bad day at school + really abnoxious people on school bus = ticked student. Ticked student = me. Why? Humanity is stupid, greedy, and pretty much hopeless. I don't believe in a lot of things. Like global warming or God, and going to Hell just because you didn't bow down to him. A lot of things. Like I don't believe the human race is capable of taking out the greed and putting in the care.

"It's always about comparisons. Kids measure eachother and then pretend they're not doing it."

I started thinking today, about what I want ot do.

I want to see the world. Not every last inch, but I want to get out of my small village and into some places, never really staying put and settling down, but never really packing up somewhere new everyday.

And then I started thinking some more.

I have a lot of daydreams. None of them come true.

How is this dream any different?

"Look right through me."

The weekend has been long. I skipped school Friday, with permission, to go to this district band thing. All day I was playing my instrument. It was amazing. All day I was playing Saturday, as well. And here I am, dreading a day of school tomorrow. But hey. I don't hate school at all. In fact, I love school. So I'm not exactly dreading it, but I'm not exactly jumping up and down and pissing myself for it, either.

I just hate that I'll go there and be my anti-social self again. You can tell me it's my own fault, and I'll agree with you. Because it is.

I just have this problem with opening up to people, I guess. I comment and I have my opinions, a lot of opinions, I just don't voice those opinions and thoughts as much as others.

What's the point?

People judge you on everything you do.

So why give them yet another thing for their judgement?

Words are our own weapons.

Let's just say I'm waiting for the perfect moment to explode.